i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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