Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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