there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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