I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
