Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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