I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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