well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
