Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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