Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
