What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
