There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
