yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
