So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
