let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
