Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
