I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
