Just fell off a train. Bad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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