We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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