Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
