he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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