i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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