i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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