fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's Friday. Sex?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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