I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
