There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
