Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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