She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
