R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
