you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You made out with two different species that night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
