He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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