the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
