at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
