shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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