I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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