Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize