haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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