I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
