Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
