I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
True college students do jello shots in the library
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
