but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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