Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
