Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize