oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
