OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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