There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My feet surprised me
Randomize
