haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
