you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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