so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
