you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
