oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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