Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
