Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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