And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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