My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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