Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
