There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
