i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize