and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
from now on my penis is your penis
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
