how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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