Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
