she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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