this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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