i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We need to get me chipped asap
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
