Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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